May 12th, 2012

Dear Steph

Yesterday was a dear friend Stephanie’s graduation, and I can’t help but think about the journey me and her have been through.

We both received gruelling dance training and was taught the truth of dance (if any) under the same teachers in Malaysia. We both went off abroad to do a dance degree – me in UK, her in USA. From there we grew differently, but we went through the whole shibang of being a foreign student, identity crisis as Malaysians, and all the ups and downs being in dance, including exploring new and renewed passions. On top of that I always thought she has been through and also accomplished so much more than me.

So I am very proud of Steph. Four years, she made it till the end and more, and is just about to start another journey. VERY EXCITING TIMES AHEAD.

[And I don't know why any good companies would NOT hire her - she is so intelligent (honestly, she swallows books like I do with food, and digests them like I wish what my body would with food!); energetic; fearless and... if that helps, pretty! ;) ]

Steph and I at Boulder Jazz Dance Workshop backstage. Once upon a time. We've outgrown that now :)

May 6th, 2012

“Have I stopped dancing?”

This is a story I saw on a LinkedIn group posted by Mark… An incredible story that I’d like to share!

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April 28th, 2012

The reason I attended Bersih 3.0

Here is a billboard ad for Gillian Wearing’s event at Whitechapel Gallery and it asked: “What are you actually thinking?”

Politics is very rarely within my radar (as much as I try to be passively involved). Joining Bersih 3.0 was just an instinct of knowing what is right to do. Almost like attending a party, to be perfectly honest. But when I saw this ad, I immediately knew the reason I joined the movement, even though I am away from Malaysia for about 6 years now.

Here, we are only human – no matter your occupation, skin colour, etc – but we also have a voice. We are assured we have our rights. I can even vote for the Mayor of London (which I will next week), although I am not a British citizen, knowing my vote plays a part.

I am grateful that I am given a voice. I might not speak the right things always but I learn to speak responsibly. Most importantly, I speak (and live) with dignity.

This morning, I was on my way to fight for my right as a Malaysian citizen, for my country Malaysia which is 8000 miles away. I, like all other Malaysians who love our home, just wanted to have a voice.

Let’s just say we forget about not being able to vote from overseas… We at least want our votes to really count. To really be able to make a difference. Otherwise, what is the point of loving and staying in the country but not feeling empowered?

So I joined the rally with the clearest intention:

Can we be given a voice?

(Note 1: After writing this I read a very similar letter by Yolanda who led the Bersih 3.0 London crowd today here… but of course she speaks much better!)

(Note 2: Bersih 3.0 in Kuala Lumpur might not have the happiest ending. I won’t blame solely on the police force/government as it must be understandable that there were some aggressive protesters. I don’t know the true stories – yet another flaw, of not having free media – but really, it doesn’t make Bersih all evil. We really just want one, simple, thing, first.)

April 12th, 2012

The Easter Escapade

One day when I was doing my weekly cooking in a hurry, I suddenly realised that I have stopped living in the present. Perhaps, I have never lived in the present. Always thinking and planning for the future – the near future, the far future.

No wonder my brain always felt like it was going to explode.

So I went on an escapade.

In a Cornish city, I took all my time browsing for bags in my favourite shop, deciding which ones I like the most and didn’t buy any in the end. Then I went back to the B&B I stayed in – which turned out to be the home of the city mayor – and watched two episodes of The Apprentice and You’re Fired in the bed whilst eating dinner and chocolates.

(Shopping, eating and watching catch up TV in bed are luxuries I do during my holidays. That tells you something about my normal life!)

A year after getting my UK driving license, I finally picked up a rental car reserved under my name and drove it. Oh yes, I certainly stalled on a steep hill, went into the wrong lane, parked like a woman (it’s all about the stereotype!), and probably annoyed and confused all the cars behind me by speeding up and slowing down in the most inappropriate speed zones.
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But I also sang along the good old tunes as I drove – the songs that didn’t necessarily mean much but simply brought me into the fragmented memories of all the places I have been, people I was with and the emotions within.

GPS was switched off for most of the time, and I was free. So I chased the blue skies and white clouds; a viaduct; the ocean; the smell of freedom; the sun; and the sunset. I was free from time restrictions and the knowing, and took pleasure in discovering the places that no one would have gone if they were introduced black and white in a guidebook.
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How about a yacht harbour where rows of yachts lined up like soldiers on both sides of the path under the cloud-ridden sky; their names shone under the occasional ray of sun – “Polarbear”, “Hot Chocolate”, “Deltaskelta” – and they stood proud?

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How about driving north from a well-known surfers beach only to arrive at the next town that took my breath away as I stood on top of the cliff and the roaring waves were just there, under my feet; where surfers fought the chilliness of spring and swam against the strong currents, determined to ride the same waves that had beaten them down numerous times?

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How about getting into my car desperately at 7.50pm so I could drive to an isolated spot and quietly watch a sunset, which turned out to have ended much quicker than I thought, but just stunningly pure?

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How about going on a 2-hour walk along the countryside just because I paid the car parking fee? How about giggling at funny signs, tasting local produce, admiring charming cottages and luxury houses and trying to taking pictures of myself that would be proof of “I was here”?

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It was 2.5 days of wandering and letting go (plus perhaps 1.5 days of travelling on ridiculously slow trains) to fill me with energy and smile.

It is true. Travelling does something… magic, perhaps, and whoever said, “It is about the journey, not destination” was a genius.

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April 6th, 2012

Questions for “hip hop culture”

A brilliant piece by Birdgang Dance Company asked, “What is hip hop? Do I have to walk limping? Do I have to have a wardrobe full of trainers and caps? Do I have to switch lingos when I talk to my friends who embrace and do not embrace hip hop? Do I have to come from the streets to be the real hip hop? ….. Do I need to be, you know, black? If so, what shade should I go for?”
**The piece was performed in Cultural Explosions, and words are taken from my memory and not exact.**

Today I was told to understand the distinction between a Chav and an urban hip hop outfit.

Noun: chav
|chav|
Usage: UK
(informal) term for a person of working class origin, esp. one who is poorly educated, aggressive, or perceived to have poor taste or have an inferior lifestyle (usually derogatory)
≈oik, poor white trash, white trash
Derived
Noun: chavette
Adjective: chavvy
This definition is from WordWeb

That is the official definition which actually bear little resemblance to the beginnings of hip hop culture. But to me as a non-British, an outsider, chavs are those who are trying to be someone they are not just by talking about it and looking like it. (What happened to actually becoming it?)

Aren’t these what the commercialised hip hop steer you towards to? (“it’s about the trainers! Caps! Walking limping! Talk in a certain way!”)

99% of what I see everywhere “hip hop” are just the outer shell. How much of the real soul of hip hop culture do people now know? And what is the real soul of hip hop? You know, the real thing, the essence, the thing that defines you as part of the hip hop culture when you are quiet and naked? I don’t know.

March 29th, 2012

Ballet Class

Here is something I wrote immediately after ballet class last night. It has been at least half a year since I took class and I thought I would struggle but…

When I dance
I am lucky

I get see the flowers and the meadows
I get to smile and breathe and breathe through my arms
I get to fly in the air and be free and be light

Like becoming alive
Like finding life
Like swirling
Like touring the world without needing to go anywhere

It is the smile
It is the arms
It is the grace that never lost

ballet class-blue sky

March 20th, 2012

Minds

You cannot solve a problem from the same consciousness that created it. You must learn to see the world anew. – Albert Einsten

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March 17th, 2012

Kony 2012 – 2

It actually did not take me long to decide where I stood after watching Kony 2012 – I am not on their side.

Catching Kony doesn’t mean a thing, apart from giving the victims a justice. It is not even the real war for them anymore. This article asks, “Kony is a bad guy, but for him to be around for 25 years, there must be some other bad guys out there helping him.” There is a real war for the “victims” (the people we were told to “save”), right now.

The real war is complicated. There is the corruption. The insufficient resources. The aftermath of the cruelty of war. Bright people will understand, not including me, but who will understand most is people whose home is Uganda. It is about the price fluctuations, the professionalism, the discrimination you get because of X or Y, and the customs that are accepted and not accepted by the locals (not by the outsiders).

I didn’t understand why there were strong rejections about charity advertisements in the West portraying a wide-eyed child of “Africa”, but now I do. Because “Africa” is more than that. The richness of the continent is more than that, more than the poor, the “underprivileged” as conceived by the Westerners. Really, the problems are bigger than just that. This article gave a really good food for thought on this issue: From advocacy to “badvocacy”.

What we must not do is support, probably well meaning, rich Westerners flying around the world trying to solve the problems of poor old Africa. – another excellent article of Kony 2012

What happens after capturing Kony? What happens after painting a classroom? What happens after donating food and clothes? There are many ways to solve problems, depends on what you believe in. I believe in humanity, the soul, the strength within, the will and desire, the dreams and everything that will make people take action without needing much aid from external factors. “Teaching them to fish is better than giving them fish”. Which is why I support organisations like Breakdance Project Uganda, a movement that empowers young people. (And of course as dance as that tool, it has to be powerful.)

Awareness needs raising. Awareness without action means nothing.What action you take is your choice – and it’s only useful if the choice is a well-informed choice.

We need wisdom to solve problems, besides people, money and time. Don’t expect to solve problems by one single act. Just take one step at a time. – Dad

March 16th, 2012

“20 years later”

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” – Mark Twain

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